Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
