i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
