I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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