8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
