I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
