hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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