His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
