Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
