Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
