just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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