update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
