textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
