We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
