i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
