MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
