i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
