I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
