I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
