no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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