i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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