I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
