Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
