he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I think I just sharted jello shots
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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