I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
