So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize