I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my shit smells like andre
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize