getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
