Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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