and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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