i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
