He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
