At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
