And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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