curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Let's paint friendship bongs
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
