What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
