Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
