it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
