I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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