He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
