I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize