I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
