In the future we'll all be gay
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
