oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
