The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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