I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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