halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
