Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
