You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
