I can text with my tongue
I'm passing your future prison.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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