I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
