I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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