Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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