Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
where are you?
Hypothermia
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
