Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I looked at my own cervix.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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