They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
