I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
