I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Blood and glitter go together right?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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