I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize