D3 body, D1 cock
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
