i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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