I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
