I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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