DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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