I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
