she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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