I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
