i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
