Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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