My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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