Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
