I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
