Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
