How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I fill condoms, not promises.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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