I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
