Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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