Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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