I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
