he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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