sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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